How Children Experience Divorce, part 1

Childhood is a state of being, rife with contradictions and full of wonder.  It shapes not only who we are but determines our capacity to continue growing long after we have "grown up." 

For better or worse, children usually grow up seeking people and situations that reinforce and restate the basic premises they grew up with...  In raising children, however, we are also granted countless opportunities to make things go right.

I have always been a loving father, readily available to Iggy and prepared to put anything aside in order to make him the priority.  Due to the divorce it is more difficult to always be present and demonstrate my attention to Iggy as I have in the past.  When I am with Iggy, I must give him my full attention and help him to recognize how much I love him, but also be attentive to any learning moments.  To model kindness and thoughtfulness, generally, I do this, but must be more attentive to always continue to do so.

The Art of Discipline

• Discipline is good for children.  Without discipline, children simply cannot learn self-control.

• The behavior that usually prompts disciplinary action is a child's way of saying "I'm angry," "I'm hurt," or "I need attention."

The most effective way of changing unacceptable behavior in the long run is to
understand its message and help your child express himself in a more acceptable manner and
make any changes that will help your child deal with the root of his issue.
Logical consequences are quite effective, because children soon realize that it is their behavior that determines the consequences.

I am paying dearly for my leniency.  By nature, I avoid conflict and am easy going, relaxed perhaps to a fault.  I need to be disciplined when parenting and I need to use discipline with Iggy whenever necessary.  I can not get into negotiations with him as I constantly do.  I need to state that some things are non-negotiable.  What I have said, is the way it will be.  Tell him how much screen-time he has and keep to it - not allow more time...

I did not set house rules when Iggy first started staying with me, that was a huge mistake.  Iggy and I must sit down together and set house rules that he feels are fair and that are sensible for a happy household.

We all feel a need to belong, and there is no greater, more profound sense of belonging than that which comes from feeling that we are an important, integral part of a loving family.

Through listening, conversing, thoughtfulness, attention and discipline, I can provide a loving environment to Iggy.