"Despite it's bad reputation, anger can often be a healthy emotion." Focus on how the anger is allowed to be manifested and how it can be used to reveal the feelings and reasons behind the anger. Two extremes in dealing with anger: On one side are parents who totally stifle anger, which can cause a child's sadness or frustration to be turned inward, resulting in withdrawal, depression (or a 'numbing down' of feelings), and indifference. On the other are those who openly invite anger without establishing boundaries, resulting in a child who loses self-control and lacks the ability to cope with challenging situations. Exercise: Sit with Iggy and ask him to list things that he's angry about and I do the same. Try to guess aloud what the other has written before sharing the list. Then make a star next to the ones you can change or do something about and discuss what cannot be changed as well. MY LIST SHOULD NOT EXPRESS HOSTILITY TO BROOKE. ...
There was once a baby born who did not blink! His mother did not at first notice that her child did not blink, but eventually as time passed it occurred to her, my son does not blink. She decided to remain calm and just observe him more closely. Years passed and still she never saw him blink and she panicked! By this time the boy was nearly four years old! He seemed like a perfectly healthy boy. He was smart, well behaved, used his words, fully potty trained, but he did not blink! She took her son to the doctor and finally brought it up with the doctor. "Doctor, in the nearly four years of my son's life, I have never, once seen him blink!" she nervously stated. "What could this mean? What if he doesn't blink? What will happen?!" The doctor laughed off her concerns, "Ah, do not worry, your son is a good boy in excellent health. I'm sure he blinks, you just haven't caught him doing so." The doctor looked at the ...
Communicating with Iggy: This is recommended for your younger children, but should try it with Iggy. Pretend to be someone else. The example in the book is when driving a child to school pretend to be a bus driver and ask him about his weekend. "It is often less threatening for a younger child to disclose his feelings to a stranger. The journey from full dependence to independence is not really a straightforward trek up a long flight of stairs. Instead, it's a series of crisscrossing paths, shortcuts, and detours in the multilevel maze, all leading to the center, to the person we each will become. Over the course of childhood, we explore those paths, and we often return to familiar territory before venturing beyond. All the while, we are accomplishing the same tasks, moving toward the same center. Iggy will feel sadness. The problem is not that the child feels sadness, but how he expresses it. What distinguishes a healthy sadness fro...
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